Rape Spam

What to drink when you contemplate revolution: Vinum Cellars "It's Okay!" Rosé 2004: Ten bucks at Central Market.

You know rape spam? I allude to those rape-avoidance-tips emails, the kind written by “the police department” and sent by your well-meaning friend, warning you to always look under your car for attackers (or up in the trees for ninja attackers!), and to stroll around town with your keys sticking out of your white-knuckled fist.

Like all these emails, the one I got today says “This information is invaluable to women who could potentially be victims of crime. I would encourage everyone to read this, and pass it on to those you care for. It is not intended to scare anyone.”

The subtext, of course, is:

“You should be scared shitless! You were born female, and rotten luck that is, because that means you are pretty much there for the taking whenever the fancy strikes, and nothing you can do will actually prevent some psycho shitbag from sexually assaulting you, and we really can’t help you by doing anything that will actually make a difference--like giving stiffer sentences to sex offenders or castrating known rapists with jagged bits of metal or suggesting to boys that a woman is not obligated to screw them just because she smiled at'em--so, just to make sure you feel like the entirely powerless speck of dirt you are, here are a few half-assed tricks we all know don’t work--like, 'practice screaming into your pillow,' or 'never go out alone'--but probably you ought to just be too scared to ever leave the house again, even though rape is most likely to occur in your own home by some fucktard you already know. Oh well! That’s the good old patriarchy, the social system of misogynist barbarians! Sucks to be you!“

Why don’t they just send out emails saying “Fuck it. You should just move into your panic room permanently and have done with it.” (No panic room? No problem!) Because you know ain't nobody sending out emails to Dude Nation saying, "Hey, don't rape any women today; that shit ain't cool!"

To the growing list of activities women are supposed to avoid (such as being female in public after dark, or being female in your own bedroom between midnight and 2 AM, or being, you know, female) today's email has added “being female while wearing a ponytail” (it’s used as a handy handle to grab you, beeyatch) and “being female in a grocery store parking lot” (chicks trying to keep canteloupes from rolling out of those stupid plastic bags are asking for it loud and clear).

Also, you’re supposed to carry pepper spray at all times, and a large pointed object, like an umbrella, and never look into your purse or talk on a cell phone (like you’d even be able to, with your hands full of pepper sprays and umbrellas). Instead, look everybody you meet straight in the eye and say brightly, “My, but this is some weather we’re having!” And don't forget to look in the back seat before you get in your car!

I, of course, take it a step further, cause we're under seige, girls! I carry a 20-pound cannister of tear gas and a scimitar, and hire a sherpa to fumble with my canteloupes for me, and look everybody I meet straight in the eye and say brightly “What the fuck are you lookin at, douche?” Before I get in my car I blast the back seat with a flame-thrower.

Rape is the floatie in the toilet of patriarchy.

Comments

[deja pseu]

Twisty, have I mentioned yet today how fabulous you are?

This can never be stressed enough: it's men's responsibility not to rape; it's not women's responsibility to avoid being raped.

Brilliant!

Becker

[manxome]

You're so twisty! I love it. I haven't gooten one of these helpful little emails in a while, but I do remember getting spam a while back where the from: line read "rape". Ooh, I should have opened that one right up!

[Emma]

Amen, sistah!

There is a huge volume and permutation of emails which purport to be helpful to women, but are actually hoaxes of the very worst kind. Examples that I've personally received are Progesterex, the perfume one, and Slavemaster".

It would seem that these have been intentionally created and disseminated to engender fear in women. The fact that so many women uncritically forward them to their friends and colleagues (I received the 'Progesterex' email from someone I sit on a committee with this week) would perhaps suggest that women experience a massive amount of unarticulated anxiety about their individual safety and the safety of women more genenerally.

Maybe if these emails were rewritten to accurately reflect the situation for women around rape, then it might provoke a little bit of soul searching on the part of men who currently forward these emails to female friends?

For guys please take care of your girlfriend... Ladies, be more alert and cautious when having any interaction with men whatseover. Good guys out there, please forward this message to your ladyfriends. Boyfriends and husbands, take heed.

Statistically, women are not safe from rape when with their male friends, with their male partner, or in their family homes. They are not safe in their offices, when asleep in their beds, or when they're in their Pastor's study. Ironically, only one in ten rapes take place outside, away from the home, so that masked stranger is pretty much not going to happen.

Women, have you been cutting off your ponytail and carrying an umbrella through summer so you can avoid rape? Sorry, but you've been doing the wrong thing! What you should actually do to avoid rape is to move to a desert island with a bunch of other chicks. It's the only way to make 100% sure that your male friend, partner, teacher, rabbi, boss, or neighbour won't one day decide that he would like to uphold patriarchy by raping you. Save yourself a lifetime of questioning your own judgment, and wondering what signals you gave off, and go to ChickIsland today.

Please! Forward this to everyone you know, especially the females, right now.

[Twisty]

Chick Island! Ha! Is that anywhere near Provincetown?

Meanwhile, it occurs to me that I ought to have posted the text of the email to which I allude. It hasn’t got the kitcshy panache of a full-blown hoax, but it does use the time-honored patronizing tone of the macho male authority figure protecting his harem of inept, childlike damsels. To wit:

The training section of the police department came
upon this article recently. The information contained
in the article is invaluable to women who could
potentially be victims of crime. I would encourage
everyone to read this, and pass it on to those you
care for. It is not intended to scare anyone. Those
that have been through the PROTECT course, or the CCW
courses know that we constantly emphasize awareness of
surroundings. This article reinforces that concept.

Through a Rapist's Eyes-
When this was sent to me, I was told to forward it to
my lady friends. I forwarded to most everyone in my
address book. My men friends have female friends and
this is too important information to miss someone. A
group of rapists and eight rapists in prison were
interviewed on what they look for in a potential
victim and here are some interesting facts:

1) The first thing men look for in a potential victim
is hairstyle. They are most likely to go after a woman
with a ponytail, bun, braid or other hairstyle that
can easily be grabbed. They are also likely to go
after a woman with long hair. Women with short hair
are not common targets.

2) The second thing men look for is clothing. They
will look for women who's clothing is easy to remove
quickly. Many of them carry scissors around to cut
clothing.

3) They also look for women on their cell phone,
searching through their purse or doing other
activities while walking because they are off guard
and can be easily overpowered.

4) The time of day men are most likely to attack and
rape a woman is in the early morning, between 5 and
8:30 a.m

5) The number one place women are abducted
from/attacked at is grocery store parking lots. Number
two is office parking lots/garages. Number three is
public restrooms.

6) The thing about these men is that they are looking
to grab a woman and quickly move her to a second
location where they don't have to worry about getting
caught.

7) Only 2% said they carried weapons because rape
carries a 3-5 year sentence but rape with a weapon is
15-20 years.

8) If you put up any kind of a fight at all, they get
discouraged because it only takes a minute or two for
them to realize that going after you isn't worth it
because it will be time-consuming.
9) These men said they would not pick on women who
have umbrellas, or other similar objects that can be
used from a distance, in their hands. Keys are not a
deterrent because you have to get really close to the
attacker to use them as a weapon. So, the idea is to
convince these guys you're not worth it.

10) Several defense mechanisms he taught us are: If
someone is following behind you on a street or in a
garage or with you in an elevator or stairwell, look
them in the face and ask them a question, like what
time is it, or make general small talk, I can't
believe it is so cold out here, we're in for a bad
winter. Now you've seen their face and could identify
them in a line-up, you lose appeal as
a target.

11) If someone is coming toward you, hold out your
hands in front of you and yell Stop or Stay back! Most
of the rapists this man talked to said they'd leave a
woman alone if she yelled or showed that she would not
be afraid to fight back. Again, they are looking for
an EASY target.

12) If you carry pepper spray (this instructor was a
huge advocate of it and carries it with him wherever
he goes,) yelling I HAVE PEPPER SPRAY and holding it
out will be a deterrent.

13) If someone grabs you, you can't beat them with
strength but you can by outsmarting them. If you are
grabbed around the waist from behind, pinch the
attacker either under the arm between the elbow and
armpit or in the upper inner thigh -- HARD. One woman
in, a class this guy taught, told him she used the
underarm pinch on a guy who was trying to date rape
her and was so upset she broke through the skin and
tore out muscle strands - the guy needed stitches. Try
pinching yourself in those places as hard as you can
stand it; it hurts.

14) After the initial hit, particularly unfortunate
experience that if you slap a guy's parts it is
extremely painful. You might think that you'll anger
the guy and make him want to hurt you more, but the
thing these rapists told our instructor is that they
want a woman who will not cause a lot of trouble.
Start causing trouble, and
he's out of there.

15) When the guy puts his hands up to you, grab his
first two fingers and bend them back as far as
possible with as much pressure pushing down on them as
much as possible. The instructor did it to me without
using much pressure, and I ended! up on my knees and
both knuckles cracked audibly.

16) Of course the things we always hear still apply.
Always be aware of your surroundings, take someone
with you if you can and if you see any odd behavior,
don't dismiss it, go with your instincts. You may feel
a little silly at the time, but you'd feel much worse
if the guy really was trouble.

PLEASE READ THEN FORWARD THIS TO EVERY WOMAN YOU KNOW,
IT'S SIMPLE STUFF BUT -- IT COULD SAVE HER LIFE.

[Andygrrl]

hey, you left out one the most important functions of rape spam: victim blaming! I mean, god, you stupid woman, didn't you get the email? Of course you got raped! What did you expect? That's what you get for wearing a ponytail/going to the restroom/jogging while female!

[Twisty]

I more or less regard the whole rapespam industry as victim-blaming.

We need to realise that all men are potential rapists and act thereafter. Please send the following link too all men you know and tell them that you're now 'protected'... ;-)

http://www.femdefence.info/index2.html

[Emma]

http://www.femdefence.info/index2.html

Or there's always a good, old-fashioned chastity belt.

[Lauren]

All I get is the "hot rape - COME NOW!" rapespam and penis enlargement spam. Why can't I get something at least marginally ironic?

And no, this is not an invitation to send this shit to me.

[ae]

Literally crying reading this. The flamethrower in the back seat -- absolutely priceless. I just use my Vagina Lasertata 3000 to throw flames. Actually, it's the new VL3000-F model, but whatev. Sometimes you gotta pay to dance.

P.S. Twisty, I love you.

[Winter Woods]

This is absolutely fantastic! Those emails are symptomatic of the larger rhetoric of rape terrorism, which keeps women terrified, off the streets at night and encourages them to believe you need a man to protect you, even if the man is a total dick. Thanks for this, it's great. I used to have a housemate who slept with a large carving knife under her bed. But from now on, I'm going to leave my handy meat cleaver at home and step out the door without fear.

[kat]

What's with all the reference to "easy targets"? There is obviously a very grubby victim-blaming subtext to all this- if you're not 'easy' for wearing a short skirt you're an easy target for not fighting "hard enough", or having a ponytail (the horror!), or going out on a Tuesday when it's a full moon or whatever...A very disturbing look at the sticky underbelly of rape culture indeed. There is no reference at all to fighting rape on a societal level, only the urging for we 'ladies' to restrict our own movements ('cause that worked just SO well at preventing rape in the past, in Afghanistan etc ad nauseam)

[Twisty]

I know! I know! The use of the word "target" is so freaky, too, like we're all walking around with bullseyes painted on our backs.

[emjaybee]

Good point re: Afghanistan. Those women don't go anywhere alone, and never wear ponytails...doesn't seem to help much, huh?

The perfume email started my love affair with Snopes.com. People have sent me a lot less spam since I started sending back snopes links. Many of them seem pissed about it too.. like they want the perfume rapists to be true, or something.

[Mistress]

Holy fucking shit-- you are my new hero! I've been needing to hear someone say that so hard for Christ knows how long. I'm about to get on my stomach and start licking Twisty's boots.

I'm on both sides of the thing, having actually been sexually abused and being able to name at least a half dozen women who've been raped/abused at least once in their lives. My sister was raped at gunpoint at work and now my mother is unreasonable. She means well, though, because I live in a major urban area and I work late-- sometimes I don't get out until 2-3AM. It takes 25 minutes to walk home & I feel that it's totally safe, especially since I look more intimidating than half the shady characters whose paths I cross, when I cross any at all. But Mom? Mom sends me those emails, she sent me pepper spray, a 'personal alarm,' she even tried to enroll me in a women's defence class.

But Jeezus tapdancing Christ! You can't live like that! I refuse to be afraid for myself everywhere I go. Crime rates are down down down & violent rape is less frequent than arson in this city.

Sigh. Someone needs to make Twisty an elected official.

[Mistress]

SHIT! HTML tags don't work. That's embarrassing.

I'd still lick Twisty's boots.

[Travelling Punk]

Twisty you are a bad ass!

Those emails have always scared me. I am now making the decision to think they're crap, and to follow the advice of the Twisty school of kicking the crap outta stuff.

[alphabitch]

In many years of being outside alone at unauthorized times -- even though I had a waist-length braided ponytail for at least 30 years -- I've only been bothered once. And not for rape, just some assholes stealing my groceries on my way home from work. I had a hat on; no way could he have seen the ponytail. I just hope they knew how to make ratatouille; all the ingredients were in the damn bag. At least the coffee was in the other hand & they didn't get that.

Nowadays, though, my hair is shorter. And most of the time when I am out walking alone late at night or early in the prime rape-time morning, I have a largish dog with me. And some plastic baggies, at least one of which is usually full of dogshit. It's an amazingly powerful feeling and I highly recommend it.

Sometimes, especially after reading one too many of those dumbass emails, I actually fantasize about how much fun it would be if a Scary Rapist menaced me and I had the opportunity to rub dogshit in his face. "Go ahead," I'd say. "Make my fuckin day."

And yeah, the flamethrower is nice to have too, in case the bastard tries to hurt my dog.

[Marissa]

Personally, I always laugh at the whole, "Don't go out at night!!!" thing. Statistically, you have about a 90% lower chance of being raped in public than you do in your own home. I feel that going out late every night is part of my rape-prevention program. Also, no men in my house***. Ever. Especially not ones I have history with.

***this is obvious sarcasm. Although the statistical thing is true.***

[Wordlackey]

I don't think I've ever actually seen one of these spams before but I've certainly heard of them. Yeah, the one you've reprinted is certainly fear inducing and victim blaming. While I, well, I blame the patriarchy (and men in particular) for the spread of this attitude, I also think everyone should know how to maim or disable an attacker with their hands or feet if needed. (I'm not so keen on weapons since relying on them may foster dependence on them and over-confidence.) I think knowing some self-defense is a good skill to have in general. But this "live in fear" bulls**t is just another tool to tighten control on women.

I did a review on a book titled "Loving to Survive" which is here: http://demiorator.blogspot.com/2005/03/book-loving-to-survive.html. The book has some interesting data on fear and insecurity among women and how it affects their behaviour. The authors' main thesis concerns something they call "Societal Stockholm Syndrome" as it applies to all women in our society.

Anyway, I've found knowing that only seven lbs. of pressure can damage a knee to be very good at shedding my fears of attack. And reading Hothead Paisan. But I'm a guy so I'm not the best example in this instance.

I'd also like to add to the chorus of praise for your blog. Your sharp wit and humor are an inspiration to me, as well as your trenchant analysis. Love it all.

[TC]

I completely agree with all of the above. (Though I have never gotten an example of said emails. Does that mean my friends don't care about me?) I do want to mention a great book along these lines that I found actually useful--The Gift of Fear, by Gavin DeBecker.

His premise is that in any given life-threatening situation, there is a point at which the victim-to-be had an intimation that the situation was a bad one, and that people in general, and especially women, tend to ignore their feelings until things have escalated out of their control.

Though I do agree that the most danger females face comes from inside the home, strangers do accost, do rape. Mr. DeBecker does not advocate living in a state of siege, but he does believe that individuals can be more aware of their environments and be more responsive to their gut feelings. It's a good book, and not at all fearmongering or patronizing.

Anyway, great blog. End of my seriousness.

[TC]

Me, again. Sorry, just a few more thoughts on The Gift of Fear. DeBecker also makes the point that there is a lot of fearmongering going on, and that one should ignore the mass media on violence, as it only distorts the real issues of violence. Living in a state of false anxiety has never helped anyone; listening to the real signals of one's enviroment, be it a "creepy" guy at work, or a situation that just doesn't "feel right" and responding in a proactive way can make a real difference.

'Kay. Enough!
/not getting royalties.

[sassycat]

I've had that e mail forwarded to me a million times, I always trash it and roll my eyes, because it says a lot about the sender.

I'm really actually going to start a new one, for friendster, or LJ or e mail. It will read:
COPY AND RESEND
Girls, do you want to get raped? If the answer is no, send this to everyone you know, saying, hey, don't rape me, asshole.
Guys, are you a fucking scumbag rapist? If the answer is no, you MUST resend this to everyone you know.

I hate most of that crap to begin with, but the rape ones are just stupid. Especially considering that the girls who cut off their ponytails and don't dress alluringly will probably be called (gasp, the horror!) dykes.

BTW, our local university holds a women's self-defense class, but I know that the officers who run it--three female officers and one male--focus mainly on empowerment and assuring women that they are strong and smart enough to go out at night without being afraid. So, I can't really say I have any qualms with that.

[Twisty]

"Living in a state of false anxiety has never helped anyone; listening to the real signals of one's enviroment, be it a "creepy" guy at work, or a situation that just doesn't "feel right" and responding in a proactive way can make a real difference."

This strikes me as the sanest possible behavior. They don't call'em "instincts" for nothin.

Also, I need to clarify, for the benefit of those who have never seen one, that what I have jokingly called "rape spam" is not actual spam, but more like a chain letter, or maybe a species of meme. It was forwarded to me, as these always are, by a good friend who actually cares if I live or die. It was not her intention to spread fear, and I don't think it ever is, when people forward these. She lives in a crime-ridden neighborhood where muggings are commonplace and everyone's on crack and her anxiety level is commensurate with that.