One Out Of Seven

Although some would question the sanity of publishing the following personal detail on the World Wide Web, there are several reasons I now confide to thousands of total strangers that yesterday I came down with a nasty case of breast cancer.

For one thing, I blame the patriarchy for it.

For another thing, I plan to use it as an excuse when I'm too lazy to post to the blog.

For another thing, although this will by no means turn into CancerBlog, it seems unlikely that I will be able to refrain--at least occasionally--from drawing for some excellent patriarchy-blaming on what promises to be months of harrowing and humiliating experiences in the dudely world of Women's Medicine.

For another thing, one out of seven (or five, or eight, depending on who you talk to) women gets this muthafucka. So go check your boobs, and do it now. But what about the men???? Don't worry, fellas! I've consulted with the other feminists, and they've decided you can get breast cancer, too.

The urgent stupid crap to which I alluded yesterday is the requisite battery of tests to which one reluctantly submits when one inadvertently discovers boobal lumpage. I've got'em today. I've got'em tomorrow. I've got'em next week.

It sucks.

But don't worry; dudely research suggests there's an 85% survival rate, and dudes are never wrong! I just wanted yall to know that if my posting becomes somewhat erratic and I fail to effervesce with my usual vim, it's nothing personal.

And, no,  I'm not gonna put a fucking pink ribbon on my car.

Comments

[res publica]

I guess "I'm really sorry to hear that" is a pretty retarded understatement. I'll be thinking about you, and hoping for your continued strength and a speedy recovery.

[WookieMonster]

Shit Twisty, snuggle Bertie extra and don't let the patriarchy of the medical professionals get you down.

[Crys T]

I don't know what to say, except we're out here thinking of you.

[Jodie]

Of course it's the patriarchy's fault. Just don't let it keep you from patriarchy blaming 'cause we're all counting on you.

(and big hugs from me to you -- I'm glad you found it early)

[Elise]

Oh, Twisty! Fuck, fuck, fuck. I blame the patriarchy, too. I hear cute dogs retard tumor growth, so at least you've got that going for you. Please do keep us posted. You'll be in my thoughts.

[Hissy Cat]

I'm so sorry, Twisty. I'll be thinking about you and wishing you a speedy and painless recovery.

[Kyra]

Suggestion: before your appointments with the Medical Division of the Patriarchy, read something you find inspirational and empowering. Not only will this give you something pleasant to think about while you're in the doctors' office, but you can then be on top of your game, alert and ready to shoot down any misogyny that comes your way.

Other suggestion: research doctors in your area and have a backup available, so that if the current doctor pisses you off too badly, you can tell him to fuck himself, loud enough for the entire office to hear, and walk out. Or, at the very least, not have to put up with his shit. Personally, I find blowing up at (and/or condescending to) examples of patriarchal assholery to be very therapeutic.

Oh, yeah, third suggestion: research breast cancer and treatments thereof, consider what is best for you considering your situation, side effects, etc. It is an unpleasant fact of patriarchy that some doctors recommend treatments more severe than necessary, or without concerning themselves much with the side effects (after all, *they* aren't the ones who'll have to deal with the side effects), or push the treatment which they are most familiar with rather than the one that's best for you, or even the one that'll make them the most money. They will also often self-refer (they recommend the procedure and do it themselves)---get a second opinion. Always.

Blame the patriarchy, because doctors are often uncaring assholes who often care more about being able to think of themselves as competent and in charge than actually being a good doctor.

Best of luck, Twisty.

[delphyne]

Oh Twisty, I'm very sorry that's happened to you. I hope you get everything you need to heal and all the strength you require to get through it.

[Pinko Punko]

TF,
They are just trying to get you to do the ribbon thing. You are the total Government and Champion of this cancer deal. It doesn't have a chance. Just rock its world, and go with the dudely research, no magic beans, OK?

[Sylvanite]

Wow, Twisty. I'm sorry to hear that. Make sure you get a good surgeon. At least the prognosis should be good, but nobody likes to hear the "C" word. Take it easy, and play with Bertie lots.

[Laura]

Dear Twisty,

Almost everyone in my hemisphere has had breast cancer, including my mother. And you know what? All of them are still alive, kickin' patriarchal ass (with the exception of said mom, who is quite alive, but happens to love the patriarchy and its minions) and doing great. I have sat with said friends and mom though biopsies, chemo (what we refer to as "the big horseshoe barcalounger hall of fame")and the rest of it.

To say it sucks is an understatement, and for patriarchy blamers even more so, dealing with, as you put it, the dudely world of womens medicine. But you will be fine, and you will kick the B.C.'s ass. Sending you good vibes from the this patriarchy-marinated backwater of North Carolina.

Laura

[Chris Clarke]

Twisty, if there's anything I can do, please don't hesitate to ask.

I'm glad to hear about that over-under. If at any point you start to pay more attention to the 15 than the 85, check out this article by Stephen Jay Gould, assuming you haven't already seen it. It's helped a few of my friends in similar straits.

[ehj2]

oh, twisty,

with all the love it is legal to send,

/e

[deja pseu]

Ah, Twisty, that just bites. I'll second what someone else said about getting second (and third and fourth if necessary) opinions on treatment options. They do vary widely, and you're the one who has to go through it. I'll be holding a good thought for you.

[Q Grrl]

Argh. I'm sorry to hear this. Perhaps there is a surgeon out there that can channel your brilliance and cutting wit into an appropriate cure! Good luck with everything.

[David Parsons]

Well, that sucks dead bunnies through a straw. AOL>What everyone else said for support./AOL>

[nina]

Oh, Twisty, that's super crap, for sure. But yes, you have the best defenses: puppy love, tacos, and lots of loyal readers to send you the love.

[BitingBeaver]

Damnit Twisty, damnit, damnit, damnit. It *is* the Patriarchy's fault, it's probably something in the bread! But I know that you, the foremost specialist in the field of Patriarchy blaming will kick it's ass.

On a more serious note, try to keep your chin up and know that everyone here loves you madly and will do any number of things to be here for you.

Take care Twisty.

[norbizness]

Best of luck, Twisty, if you need anybody to make a run to Sandy's for some frozen custard and onion rings, let me know. Sorry I can't meet-up for coffee this Saturday, but I'm sure we'll hang out soon.

[piny]

Everyone else has given their good wishes more eloquently than I can, so I'll just go with the heartfelt standard: I'm so sorry to hear it, Twisty. I hope you get better soon. I'm sure we'll all do our utmost to patriarchy-blame during your sick leave.

[CafeSiren]

I'm sending waves of love from the left coast, Twisty.

Hold out against the pink ribbons. If *you* cave in, there's no hope for any of us.

[LCGillies]

Whatever you do, please keep posting if you can. Your screeds are one of the few powers standing between me and early-onset male brain damage.

My theory is that your odds as a patriarchal ass-kicking twisty spinster aunt will be better in dealing with this---belief provides stronger support than pragmatism for surviving the horrors with which we are sometimes visited, as Viktor Frankl has told us.

Meanwhile, if only to ensure we all have an adequate diet of rigorous, funny, well-written and scathingly incisive counter-criticism of the vast deluge of dudely mindcontrol, I will be thinking of you and hoping it is as tolerable is it can possibly be.

[D Bunny]

Thinking of you and wishing you the best.

[Steve]

Like everybody else said, we're rootin' for you. It's good that you have a puppy.

And there seems to be a fine group of patriarchy-blamers here to whom you can no doubt delegate, on the occasions that you have to lay off blogging for a bit to concentrate on crushing the cellular rebellion.

[Erin]

Oh, Twisty! First the obstreperal/wazoo problems, and now this! I don't have anything to say except that's a shitty deal and you shouldn't have to go through it.

And I would totally make out with you, Twisty: you're the greatest. And I'm a straight girl, more or less.